Velcro

So you may or may not know that I have been sporting Velcro shoes for the past two months. Explaination? Allow me.

Once upon a time in a far off magical land known as “Zone De Auto” a decree was issued by Lord Patrick of the District Management. “Hear Ye Hear Ye, Escucha ,Escucha (yeah we’re bilingual like that)! Come the dawn of the New Year all slaves of the kingdom must wear polishable shoes. Violators will be punished.”

This is where I come in. I am a very important employee at Auto Zone. I’m so good that I am employee of the month, every month, without disputation. They have limited me to working 4 days a month because of my intense skills. (You may be thinking W.T.Explative, but it is mainly because each of my hours counts as five regular ones. They just don’t have enough hours to staff me.)

When I walked in one morning I noticed this declaration. I’ll translate it for those of you who don’t speak old English. “All Autozoners will be required to wear polishable shoes by January 1st.” After finding a pen and writing “GAY” on the sign I went about my usual work. My first inclination after rage was to buy shoes at "Savers". I mean I only needed to wear them once week; no big deal. However, my mother chewed me out for even thinking about it. Something about foot patterns in the shoes and back problems... mom stuff. So after Christmas I went out shopping with her. Oh Wal-Mart, the symbol of thrifty living and shirts that say, “The Voices in My Head Don’t Like You.” As I strutted my stuff down the shoe section it dawned on me that I still hadn’t bought my work shoes. Ka-Ching!! I started to check out all five of the shoes in the men’s section when my eyes beheld… a pair of Dr.Scholl’s, old man, shuffle board, black, polishable shoes…in Velcro. Wow. In case you weren’t counting that was five adjective phrases. Words cannot express what went on in my mind at that instance. Let’s just say that I heard the sound of trumpets and couple of hallelujahs. I knew it was meant to be. When I walked over to the other side of the men’s isle I found that they had a similar pair for all of my active needs: Velcro tennis shoes. Those came as a birthday present less than ten days later after a strong hint to my mother.

Several people have asked me what is up with my sudden Velcro obsession. I don’t know. Maybe it is the sweet sound of the hook side breaking the strands on the soft fuzzy side. Perhaps it is the speed of which I am able to get in and out of my shoes without doing damage to the backs of them. Or maybe it is just a natural regression. The fashionable thing now is retro style stuff in bold colors. Maybe I am just subconsciously following that trend by wearing shoes that I wore in preschool. Last time I remember lime green, bright pink and this much purple was that awkward late 80's early 90's era. Batman, Superman and Transformer shirts are now quite popular and I wore those in my 0-5 years. Maybe Velcro is next.